A tool kit has what what we need for different jobs. It's handy, portable and reliable. Children have tool kits too. We help them develop their tools as they learn new skills and experience new things. As they grow they learn which tools to use in different circumstances and with practise, these tools work more efficiently bringing a sense of confidence, independence and helping build resilience.
Here are some ways you can help build and define the tools in your child's toolkit.
1. A sense of identity: an understanding of who you are. In children this can come from their position in the family, from their friends, their hobbies, what they are good at and what challenges them. It also comes from what they hear said about them. You can support your child's sense of self by commenting positively on what you see them do, "that's kind", "that's great sharing", "I love our family in this picture" and so on. Time together at bath or bed time can be a lovely shared affirmation time.
Just as importantly, try to avoid discussing the things your child finds hard when they are around. It's incredible what children hear.
But what if your child doesn't listen well and so isn't going to take in comments in this way? Well, you can take photos of your child doing something you know they love ... building a tower if they love building, playing football, cuddling a pet, making something with someone else .... and then stick the photos in a book and regularly show them - a book of all the things your child loves and you love about them.
2. Strong emotional connections: 1:1 time and shared activities help develop strong relationships that help your child weather harder times. Whether it's blowing bubbles, kicking a ball, modelling, cooking, looking at a book or watching a favourite TV programme, it's the 1:1 shared time and attention not the activity that matters. In children with reduced language and communication it can be helpful when these 1:1 activities don't involve much talking.
3. Talking about feelings: stops them being abstract and intangible and makes them known, explored and shared. If you can, ask how your child feels and why, and talk about how you feel and why. When you share stories, talk about different characters and how they feel and why.
For children with SLCN though it is common for emotions to be felt strongly, especially frustration and to not have the means to communicate or understand them. Books such as Felicity Brook's "All about Feelings", Anna Llenas' "The Colour Monster pop up" and Molly Potter's "How are you feeling today?" are aimed at young children and help you and your child explore these tricky feelings. You can also take photos of your child's face when they are happy, sad, cross and surprised and look at them together, labelling in just one word or two the feeling being expressed.
4. Shared problem solving: when you have a child with additional needs it can be really easy to fall into the trap of wanting to and trying to solve their problems. In fact, maybe you'd really like to spot them and sort them out before they happen!
As a Therapist it is my job to identify and help solve problems. As a parent, less so. However, I was a slow learner: it took my son telling me he didn't need me to solve his problems for me to fully get what I was doing. He wanted me to hear, sympathise and give him space to think things through but not come up with the solutions. He wanted me to enable him to problem solve and try things out, even if it meant the ideas not always working.
Even with young children you can do this. You can stand back and wait and see what your child does about a problem, stepping in if you can see frustration building or you feel there is a safety issue. This might be something you can try out in play - a shape sorting activity, allow your child to try different shapes and only step in to offer new ones when you know they are about to give up. Trying out a physical play trail, working out how to climb or balance on logs - make sure you fall off lots! Making up a tea party and trying to share the food so each toy or person gets a share. Reading a story, act out a problem and practice sorting it out. So in the "Three Little Pigs" try to build a house from things you have at home that cannot be blown over. Or involve your child in getting ready to go out. Show them a picture of where you are going and see what they get out, like getting their coat and boots for the farm.
Encouraging problem solving in everyday life and safe play activities helps develop criticial thinking skills, prediction and negotiation skills which are really useful in all stages of life. It empowers your child to take control, and you show you believe in their ability to work things out. You are allowing your child to make mistakes - we learn the most from our mistakes. Maybe let your child see you make mistakes too and that it is ok to do that.
5. Have a go, find something (s)he loves: when your child has SLCN it is really beneficial for them to have other things they do well at, such as sport, caring for pets, enjoying music, crafts, drawing and painting. It helps them see themselves positively. It also balances with some of the things that are harder. Don't feel you have to always be working on their speech or words, make sure you have time you both really enjoy exploring other skills.
If you would like support as you try these out then I'd love to have a chat with you.
Catherine.
@Bedford Early Years Speech Therapy
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